Friday, October 2, 2009

Wisdom of the Ancients

Polly, washing her face

This is my good friend and flat mate, Polly. Polly is very old. No one is sure just how old she is. But, when she talks, everyone listens. She is small and old, and no one in our house will mess with her, cuz she will light you up! She don't take no crap from nobody!

Anyway, I listen to her, and take her wise advise, because well, she's old!
Some of the invaluable things I learned from Polly:

If you walk in front of The Man, you will be kicked!

When a human opens the door, run through first so you wont be slammed in it.

When you are finished stalking out doors, get up high where dogs and other things can't get at you.

If you are hungry, and want to get the Human's attention, stand at the edge of the table and "BRRROWW" pleasantly and melodiously, this makes the humans happy, and they will feed you.
...the more you roll your R's the better.

Also, perfect your Tail Wave. Waving your tail slowly in an "S" curve, and smiling up at them, will make the humans happy too, and they will be drawn to feed you or give you attention.

Stay away from the bathtub when The Man is around. He cannot be trusted!

Do not get in front of the computer screen when The Boy is on the computer.

Only knead the humans lap when they have pants on.

And, never, ever, wake The Man up at night by jumping down on him.

Observe this advice my kitten, and you will live long in the household of The Man!

Simply remember the truth... there is no spoon.

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